Love at first sight
Once upon MyFace, there was an eye. He was sort of blue one day because he felt like he couldn’t live up to his potential. You see, this eye was a -6.00 prescription and had dropped out of college to become an artist but didn’t really have a vision or any foresight.
One Sunday morning, along came a contact lens with promises to help the eye see the world in a whole new way.
“I don’t believe you,” said the skeptical eye. “I can see right through you.”
“Eye, you need me, why don’t you admit it?” argued the alarmingly controlling contact lens.
“You’re smothering me,” retorted the eye.
“It’s the tension that keeps us together,” claimed the contact lens.
“Oh… now I see,” said the eye. “I think… I think eye love you. But don’t try to get all clingy, or I swear to God I’ll sleep with LASEK.”
“Come here, give me a hug,” replied the contact lens.
And they lived happily ever after.
I was walking along the sidewalk when I saw a little doggie with ears so big he could fly away if he flapped them hard enough. So I said, “Doggie, can you fly?” And he said, “Rell of course I can fry, Ryle!” He’s a doggie so he speaks with a lot of R’s. I said, “Where will you fly to today?” And he said, “Today, I’m frying to Germany to recome a shepherd!” I said, “But Doggie, you’re just a little doggie, you’ll never be a German Shepherd.” To which he responded “I’m a fucking frying dog, I can do rhatever I want.” And then he flew away.
